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Nena Camadera

Scarred Survivors

1,250 posts in this topic

Van, I'm deliberately ignoring your comment because of what's to come.  That's all I'm going to say.

 

Katz, Keiichi's rank in the Navy Enlisted is pretty high, so the pay he gets on top of BAH, BAS, and the bonus Hazardous Duty pay he gets whenever he goes on a deployment means he's got a good chunk of change on him.  He own's a house that is pretty big for a man living by himself due to the fact that he loves having his family over during the holidays.  The Norns will be staying at his house, which, in and of itself, will take some adjustment, not to mention some explaining...when you're in the military, the people your work with are, by definition, your 'extended family', and all of Team 12 knows where Keiichi lives.

 

Now, I'll just leave you this: Keiichi went out drinking with his unit on a Friday night and, as far as anyone in Team 12 can tell, never got a ride back home with him.  That means that on Saturday morning, Keiichi went to Japan (courtesy of a pair of Norns) which left his phone out of service or in a place where Keiichi couldn't reach it.  So when his team starts calling to make sure he made it home safely or at least got to a hotel to sleep everything off...and then doesn't answer his phone...well, let's just say that it's a cause of concern.

 

If Mara makes an appearance in this story, it won't be for Hagall's benefit.  And as for Belldandy...

"I'm worried about her, XXXX...I've never--Belldandy just never smiles..."

 

 

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Chapter 5 is up!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111294/5/Scarred-Survivors

 

Updates will be slowing down a bit.  I'm heading off an an adventure for two weeks this upcoming Friday, which means I'll be unavailable to work on the story.  Thankfully, a good chunk of chapter six is already written, since I'm a horrible person who just loves to go overboard when it comes to anything I write, so hopefully we should have the next chapter finished and ready to go by the end of the week again.

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Hello there...

 

I barely read chapter 5, i admit. By the time i stopped by and saw that it was up, i was so sleepy i ended up skipping half the paragraphs =)

I'll give it a proper read once i get to my room.

 

In any case, from what i remember, there's one thing that caught my attention.

Ok, so i know it's not the same, but the "transformation" Urd started to went through reminded me too much of a Rimanis form in AB. Ok, different initial explanation (here it seems to be a manifestation of the True Self...perhaps the display of a 10 dimensional being instead of a 3 dimensional one) but similar end results? I don't know exactly, but i do know that, in the sec i read True Self, and talons and claws and whatnot, the first thing that popped into my head was AB and Rimanis ...

 

As for the rest...Skuld is having to work hard for victory and Belldandy makes an appearance...well well well.

 

I will really have to read it again to comment on those parts.

 

 

Edited by Urd
grammar
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The Rimanis is something exclusive to the Angel Biter universe.  It's an Avatar designed by war and crafted after a demon's most basic instincts into a 'living weapon' of sorts that a demon can house themselves in during times of war/combat.  It's kind of like what would happen if you suddenly had the capability to devolve a man back into an ape, yet (for those in full control of themselves) maintain their higher sentience, allowing for additional physical strength without sacrificing rational thought.

 

I'm going to place a small spoiler tag on the rest more for those who haven't read chapter five yet over anything else.  Most of it is just lore for this particular universe, so it won't really affect the story too much.

 



What happen here was different.  Urd literally 'let herself go' in a sense by releasing whatever bounds held back her tenth-dimensional body; her 'True Form'.  It's something that cannot be perceived by mortals in its pure state because of the fact that they lack an understanding of the tenth-dimensional plane, and even gods residing in a third-dimensional form can have difficulty comprehending it because of the heavy restrictions placed upon their own being.  Urd was raging during the time, and when combined with the fact that she's 'half-demon', it creates the impression of some sort of Eldritch Horror more at home in a Lovecraftian story.  But then, because all the goddesses are tenth-dimensional beings, the same could be said for them as well if they were to ever 'reveal' themselves.

 

Course, then Keiichi's universe would probably snap under the strain of so many higher presences, and Keiichi's head would probably explode just being on the same planet as them.  Dimensional Planes are a bitch some times.

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My mind is making the worst comparison today...When i read this:

 

It's kind of like what would happen if you suddenly had the capability to devolve a man back into an ape, yet (for those in full control of themselves) maintain their higher sentience, allowing for additional physical strength without sacrificing rational thought.

 

First thing that popped into my mind was:

 

SONGOKUUUUUU!

 

hehehehehe

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I must admit, seeing Urd reveal her true nature to Aoshima made me chuckle a bit. It almost mirrored what I had in mind, although with a different Norn. Still it was a good one.

 

And I found it quite ironic that in the end Hagall still treats Belldandy like the same innocent goddess she used to be. Considering everything that took place, as well as the fact that Keiichi's mind is threatened, I have a feeling that she's going to get a nasty taste of the fruits of her own labor... 

 

Also don't worry about slowing down a bit. While it can be frustrating to wait for the conclusion, it's much better to have something well written, instead of a hastily thrown together chapter. 

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8 hours ago, Urd said:

SONGOKUUUUUU!

Great... now all I can imagine in DBZ abridged with A!MG characters instead. "Keiichi was..." "Don't say it Mara, I'm warning you!" "...A prison bitch."  "...god damn it, Mara."

 

In the end, it was Belldandy who was forced to change and adapt to her circumstances over Hagall, who primarily did nothing but watch with her own special glee over what happened to the poor goddess. As such, the core of her personality remained unchanged, and because of the fact that Belldandy never acted out against Aoshima-never could act against him, She fell into her own cozy assumptions which were addressed in this chapter.  How well those assumptions reflect the truth will be partially revealed in the next chapter.

 

Also, Lind was a treat to write.  I could never find a place to really incorporate her into any of my other writings, but she's probably my second-favorite goddess in the series (goddess, not demon).  I've always wanted to have a bit more focus on her, and now finding that opportunity and actually buckling down and figuring out how she'd react to any given situation is surprisingly fun.  I especially love her two freaking angels, which this go-around have their own specific purpose that makes them very unique-other than the fact that they are twins or perhaps because they are twins.  As such you can expect to see her a bit more often in the story this time around.

 

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....Heh.

 

Maybe... Maybe it's because of a sugar rush because I just had Klondike bars and a cup of coffee, but the idea of you guys writing a DBZ Abridged version of this fic seems really funny. I doubt it'll ever happen, though. Be a real hoot to see how many times the 'dude, not funny' line gets crossed, though.

 

There was an attempt at someone making a A!MG Abridged, but... it wasn't good, no one could emote well or at all, and I think the makers of it lost interest. Two or three episodes were made, I think. Either that or a couple of people were making their own version. Memory is a bit fuzzy at the moment and I don't feel like looking for them or watching them again.

 

And I'm glad about you being able to write something involving Lind, Nena. We all have characters we'd like to write. Heck, You even managed to write something that I always wanted to, but never could. One of the Goddesses' 3rd dimension forms beginning to fail from pure rage.

 

And I'm looking forward to Belldandy unleashing 10 years of wrath on whoever is in her way.

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Chapter 6 is up.

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8 hours ago, IdiAmeanDada said:

Chapter 6 is up.

 

 

You guys always post new chapters when i can't read them :/

 

Now i'll have to work 6 more hours knowing there's a brand new chappie out there for me to read... and i'm stuck here -_-

 

***sniff**

Edited by Urd
grammar
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Now, aside from my review on FFN, I do have an interesting two observations to make that I wouldn't want to post in the review. 

 



Considering that the girl in chapter 3 was actually Belldandy, then most of her dialogue was under the most technical of terms... a lie. Now, sure it was most definitely some kind of twisted roleplay meant to satisfy Aoshima's... appetite, but considering everything else, I wouldn't be shocked if someone decides to bring that to Belldandy's attention.

 

Also, concerning Hagall's hack into the system, I do have some concerns that such a plan might've been too risky for her to risk her neck, just for the sake of ruining Belldandy like that. Now, I do know that there's already a demon in the series that did that, but for some reason, a high ranking demoness like Hagall doesn't strike to me as the almost obsessed Welsper. Unless... she had other accomplishes, including someone from Heaven. I think you should know who I'm referring to in the latter case, and it might be interesting if that was the case, although at this point I think I need to stop, since I'm probably way off and ovethinking of what's happening behind the scenes in the fictional world of this story.  

 

Of course, I'm probably way off in both cases, so please ignore me for throwing in things like that (dunno, I just can't help doing that these days ^^;). I'm not expecting you to take those silly things too seriously, especially since you must've plans of your own for the after story. 

 

Now that's going to be interesting to read, as the process of healing from this harrowing ordeal will be hard for everyone involved. So, I can't help but be quite curious as to how you're going to tackle the very serious issues and scars Belldandy must be plagued with. 

 

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Aside from the questions that i left in chapter's 6 review, more popped into mind.

 

Was Belldandy right to question exactly why Lind had been assigned to pester Urd all this time? Did someone knew beforehand that she was living in a misery world because of a demon and did nothing to rescue her? Even went to great lenghts such as assignig Urd a bloody policewoman everytime she tried to contact her sister?

 

Tyr can't be that much of a bastard. There has to be something else in there... 

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