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HotelKatz

Still miss my dad. Vent topic

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HotelKatz    46
HotelKatz
Posted (edited)

My dad died on August 2nd, 2012.

We had a hard time getting along with each other. We argued, but never insulted each other.

Mostly because we had similar personalities, but different interests.

He loved wrestling. I hated it as it seemed... cheap and corrupt.

I liked to watch animation. He kept decrying it as 'kiddy stuff'. Even shows like The Big O. He thought that during a time where one of the wrestlers had a move where they shoved their butt in their opponent's face.

We had arguments about both. Didn't stop us from trying to spend time by watching them both together.

We were funny like that. We kept having to restart watching Big O every few weeks, as his memory made him forget that Big O was actually better than he thought. To those that watched Big O and found that hilarious, I do as well.

During the last few years of his life, medical problems kept happening. Only a couple years after it was I told why.

His doctors kept putting him on different medication every time he went to the VA.

Some of which made him paranoid enough to think I wanted to kill him.

The arguments did grow nasty during the last year and a half before he died. I can't remember what we argued about, but I had to be convinced to not walk away from home a couple of time. Yeah, the arguments grew bad enough that I was willing to walk in one direction and never look back.

Once, he said something that made me want to walk up to him, lift him by the collar, and scream in his face. My mom and brother held me back, while my dad was screaming that I was going to kill him.

When we both calmed down, we talked it out.

At that point, I think he found a doctor who took him off those meds.

We began to watch Big O once more.

One day, during the Instro episode, I head my dad drop a can of soda. I looked back to ask him if everything was alright... and I saw him fall to the floor. We called an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital.

It was a heart attack and he died a day later.

 

I kind of hate summer since then. I become a bit of a nasty person during it. To anyone who I irritated, upset, or made furious., I am sorry.

 

I'll talk more about my dad later.

Edited by HotelKatz

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Sugoi    46
Sugoi

 

13 hours ago, HotelKatz said:

I kind of hate summer since then. I become a bit of a nasty person during it. To anyone who I irritated, upset, or made furious., I am sorry.

 

That's alright, HotelKatz.

Those kind of things take time to get over. How do your mother and brother deal with this?

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Keiichi Morisato    417
Keiichi Morisato

My dad passed away about 4-5 years ago, my mom passed away two years ago. While me and my dad always argued, I took on more or a caretaker role in the year before he passed away and he and my mom leaned on me for support. Helped him up and around, to the bathroom. Always stayed up all night so that my mom could sleep and I would catch some sleep during the day so that someone was always awake in case my dad needed help. My brother couldn't have cared less. It was no picnic. Never once complained about it, even though it irritated my brother that our dad would ask him to help him get around the house. I think it wasn't until that final year before he died that he realized how big of a help I was always to him and my mom. While I was closer to my mom than my dad, I did love them.

I can tell you, after dealing with the grief from my parents passing away that it never gets better. It's something you never forget and people who say it gets easier have truly never experienced the death of a family member and I pray to God that they never have to go through that. While the grief does it easier to deal with, the loss truly never goes away. I think about my parents all the time and the only thing that helps me get through it is not thinking about it. Occupy my mind with some other chore, listening to music, watching a movie or television series, or just playing with our family dog, anything where I don't have to think about their loss too much.

But, holidays are the worst. Sometimes when I'm feeling blue or depressed, I think about the pain of their loss as well. I think we just do what we can to not think about it, so long as you keep their memory alive and the fact that you were a good son, or a good daughter, and that they're at peace.

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HotelKatz    46
HotelKatz

My mother tends to go out and talk with a few neighbors she'd befriended. I suspect that's how she deals with it. Other times, she talks with us about him. She refuses to either say anything negative or hear anything negative about him. she also makes sure that a picture of him is in the kitchen and in her bedroom.

My brother and sister take the time every other Wednesday to watch a western and we watch MST3k every Sunday, since my dad liked both. So I guess we all began to watch both to remember him. We invited our mom to join us, but she's refused so far.

 

After my dad died, my mom did make us all go see a therapist because she was worried that she might not be able to help us as much as she wanted. I was about 25 then. Maybe she worried over nothing, maybe she wanted to be a good parent and knew there were limits she couldn't get past or help with.

 

Speaking of westerns, My dad really liked them. He watched Gunsmoke whenever it was on. He liked western movies, but didn't want to spend too much money on them, so he restricted himself to the bargain bins and hoped for the best.

One western he did went out of his way for was a parody of the Lone Ranger. It was called The Lonesome Stranger. It used monkeys and Syncro-Vox. I was amused by it.

While my dad liked westerns, he hated John Wayne. In his eyes, John Wayne couldn't act. He said every role John Wayne is in, it's 'John Wayne as a cowboy', 'John Wayne as a Soldier', and 'John Wayne as Genghis Kahn'.

My sister and brother have inherited that opinion. I'm neutral about him myself.

Might be because I have Asperger's syndrome. I was diagnosed with it when I was 15. When we read up about it, my dad wondered if he had it as well, as he claimed he had similar symptoms and traits when he was younger.

 

One thing related to westerns was my dad kept trying to find the version of Ghost riders in the Sky he loved as a kid. I looked around and collected every cover I could find. I gave it to him and then went to bed.

Next day, he found it and was the happiest I've ever seen him.

It was Vaughn Monroe & Sons Of The Pioneers' cover. He said it sounded just like a old cowpoke telling a tale.

Personally, I liked Burt Ives' cover for similar reasons.

That was one of the more playful arguments. One where we both walked away with a smile.

in about a day or two, I'll talk about what I can remember my Dad's time in the Marines. He never told me much, though. So the post will not be as big.

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HotelKatz    46
HotelKatz

My dad was a Lance Corporal in the Marines during Vietnam.

He spoke that he had a touch with machines. Either they worked perfectly when he touched them or they broke down and never could be repaired. Yeah, I suspect this is him exaggerating his repair skill. He did have a knack for Radios and repaired them while in the Marines.

I vaguely remember he said he gained an appreciation for the machete from this time period. To the point where when we were shopping at Walmart for food, we went to the hunting department and I looked at the machetes. I muttered that they were too thin. He then went on a bit of a long diatribe that can be boiled down to 'I know machetes and you never used one'. He then looked at the Walmart machetes... and he said they were too thin.

However, there was an incident or two he refused to speak about with me, but was willing to with my younger sister. There was a few moments I remember where he stopped talking and walked out of the room. After a few minutes, he walked back in and wondered why he was in one room one moment and in another the next. Not once did I do anything to get his attention or anything when he had those flashbacks.

One of the things my sister was told about, she refuses to tell me about. I haven't pressed the issue, as I trust her judgement.

He suspects he might've gotten exposed to something in Vietnam, as I have Asperger's and my sister has Cerebral Palsy. My brother might have something, but either I never was told what it was or my brother never was checked out to see if he has something.

Now to talk a little bit about those last parts.

My dad got along better with my younger brother and sister because my dad was the youngest of his family. From what I remember from what he told us about them, they liked to pick on him. My dad said the age difference between him and them was around.... I wanna say between 5 and 15 years apart in age. My dad also said he was a bit of a bully in school. That made him worry that I was picking on my younger siblings whenever he wasn't looking.

I didn't for several reasons. One, we were the only kids in the neighborhood. The rest who lived there was old folks. Two, the age difference between me and my siblings was about 1-2 years. Three, I hate bullies and so do my younger siblings.  Didn't stop my dad from thinking I was bullying them when he wasn't looking.

Out of all of us, he got along best with my sister, as she was the youngest and the fore-mentioned Cerebral Palsy that made him feel like he had to protect her.

They watched Wrestling whenever it was on. They had a preference for WWF/WWE, but were willing to watch WCW, ECW, or any other wrestling that was on. After my dad died, she stopped watching wrestling, claiming a lack of interest.

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